went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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