Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
