looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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