I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize