whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
