i barfeds in our rink
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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