I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
