Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
