so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
