i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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