is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
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this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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