can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
