I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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