We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
