he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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