I want to walk on stilts...naked
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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