Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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