God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
