i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i've created a new STD.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
