she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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