I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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