Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
