When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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