Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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