guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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