my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
