I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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