My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
