WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
