Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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