90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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