last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize