I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
