You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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