I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
