Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
