sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
