it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
