maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
