I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
