I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
