I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
