Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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