my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
