Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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