piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
