why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How does one acquire holy water?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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