i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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