I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
