im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
