is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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