In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
