Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
