i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
