You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
