I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
