ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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