I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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