I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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