my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
