I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
