There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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