we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
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I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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