didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
