the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
