never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
