I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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