I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Randomize
