I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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