Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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