To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
