im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
