one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
