I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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