you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
