Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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