Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
