I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
